It's nice to see she hasn't forgotten.

I don't know much about the views of the polictical parties in Britain, but I like what J.K. Rowling had to say and did.

J.K. Rowling gives $1.8M gift to UK ruling party

Parenting post: dealing with back talk

Because of the title of my blog, I feel obligated to throw out a parenting post once a while.  Tonight on one of the forums I visit, I replied to a post about back talking and how I handled it.  I thought I would copy and paste it here.

My son had a rough couple of years between 11-13. He gave me a lot of lip back then. I tried several things depending in why I thought I was getting the lip.

• Sometimes I sent him to his room for down time (and to keep me from killing him).
• Sometimes he got squirted with a water bottle or a shot of vinegar/lemon juice into the mouth (sour mouths deserve sour drinks).
• A couple of times he got popped in the mouth.
• A few times, he was sent to take a walk and cool off.

Every time he was told that no matter how rotten he felt, he had no business speaking like that to any human being, especially not the person who bore him. His crabby feelings were his problem. Making it mine would result in discipline. He was free to be crabby alone or quietly in the company of others. I explained that I was willing to listen to him explain, not yell, his feelings and what he thought would correct the problem. I also told him that even if I could not fix what making him crabby, I did understand and still loved him. Even so, he had to handle his emotions rather than disrespect me or others. Of course, the key is to be as unemotional as possible when giving out the discipline and reminders of how to treat others. Yelling, crying, or throwing my own attitude into the mix would simply exacerbate the situation.

Something that helped was to remind him periodically that "no one has the right to verbally poop on another person whether they were 10 or 100 years old." That little visual helps inject humor and get the point across.

I am blessed that I am a single parent so I don't have an uncooperative father making things worse or sending out mixed signals. If I had to deal with someone sending mixed signals, I probably would have committed murder  

I can honestly say that I enjoy my son more at 17 than I did at 12.  The terrible twos were even better than 12.  There is just something rotten about the age 12.  I recall being a major brat when I was 12 too.  Sorry Mom!

I would love to say I handled things perfectly every time, but that would be a HUGE lie.  I made lots of mistakes (doesn't every parent), but I did try to remain calm and be rational which is really hard for a highly emotional person like me.

A favorite saying of mine is:

It's not always what you say, but how you say it, when you say it, why you say or where you say it. 

Also, my comment about my being blessed to be a single parent is something I truly believe.  While it has it's negatives, it has many positives as well.  I realize that someone somewhere could and might take offense or disagree, I am not going to argue the point.  I would have lost what little sanity I have if I focused on the negatives more than the positives of my situation.

I noticed something tonight.

Tonight while having fellowship with some ladies from church, I noticed that I am rather negative when speaking about my son. When asked how he is, I have been answering "crabby" or "typical teen." I don't know where this terrible habit came from, but I am going break it.

I have never been one to believe in the rotten teen years. We've had some pretty great ones. I think that is in large part due to my attitude going into this time.

Mom's good attitude + Great kid = Great teen experience

I always knew there would be unique challenges being a single mom rearing a son, but I always disliked the negativity that surrounds teenagers. I have always felt it wasn't deserved. I didn't want to assume my son would be rotten or unbearable. I wanted to think the best of him. Somewhere I lost track of that.

Pro 10:19
In the multitude of words, sin is not lacking; but he who holds back his lips is wise.

Pro 16:24
Pleasant words are like a honeycomb, sweet to the soul, and health to the bones.

Pro 18:8
The words of a talebearer are as wounds, and they go down into the innermost parts of the belly.

Ecc 10:12
The words of a wise mouth are gracious; but the lips of a fool will swallow him.

Jas 3:1-18
My brothers, do not be many teachers, knowing that we shall receive the greater condemnation.
For in many things we all offend. If anyone does not offend in word, the same is a full-grown man, able also to bridle the whole body.
Behold, we put bits in the horses' mouths, so that they may obey us, and we turn about their whole body.
Behold also the ships being so great, and driven by fierce winds, yet they are turned about with a very small rudder, where the impulse of him steering desires.
Even so the tongue is a little member and boasts great things. Behold how little a fire kindles how large a forest!
And the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity. So the tongue is set among our members, spotting all the body and inflaming the course of nature, and being inflamed by hell.
For every kind of animals, and of birds, and of reptiles, and of sea-animals, is tamed, and has been tamed by mankind.
But no one can tame the tongue, it is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison.
By this we bless God, even the Father. And by this we curse men, who have come into being according to the image of God.
Out of the same mouth proceeds blessing and cursing. My brothers, these things ought not to be so.
Does a fountain send forth at the same hole the sweet and the bitter?
Can the fig tree, my brothers, bear olive berries; or a vine, figs? So no fountain can yield both salt water and fresh.
Who is wise and knowing among you? Let him show his works by his good conduct with meekness of wisdom.
But if you have bitter jealousy and strife in your hearts, do not glory and lie against the truth.
This is not the wisdom coming down from above, but is earthly, sensual, devilish.
For where envying and strife are, there is confusion and every foul deed.
But the wisdom that is from above is first truly pure, then peaceable, gentle, easy to be entreated, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality and without hypocrisy.
And the fruit of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace.

Thursday Thirteen (3)

Thirteen random things about being a single mom

1. I get all the blame if kiddo turns out rotten.
2. People assume my son is a brat. (At times, he can be; so can kids of "perfect" two parent families. So what!)
3. I had to teach my son about shaving and other male things that I would rather have NOT dealt with....Dads are good for some things. *vbg*
4. I'm always second guessing my parenting choices.
5. People assume I am husband hunting all the time. (For the record, I am NOT interested in dating or marriage!)
6. People assume I am getting welfare. (Nope!)
   
7. I got all the hugs and kisses when my son was little.
8. I don't have anyone undermining my decisions as a parent.
9. Only I am guiding this kid into adulthood. (Scary huh? *lol*)
10. I have to be the meanie all the time.
11. I am broke 90% of the time.
12. I am his #1 target he when he's feeling rotten about life.
13. I am the one he talks to about ANYthing...even things I'm not so sure I really want to hear. *vbg*
    

Alien inhabitation? Plus a quote

Tuesday night my WONDERFUL teenage son mowed the backyard with only one reminder. He was headed upstairs to take a nap when I asked him when he would mow it. Ten minutes later, he was outside mowing. Must be aliens inhabiting my stinker son and turning him into a sweet compliant son. I was so proud of him for not whining, arguing or giving me excuses. He's growing up so nicely. I patted myself on the back in my mind.

Tonight before I left for church, I thanked him. He replied, "You shouldn't. I didn't do it to be nice. I just couldn't sleep so I mowed instead." I'm crushed. I'm totally devastated. I'm disheartened that all my years of teaching didn't take. Oh who am I kidding...I'm not a bit surprised. It's pretty typical of a 16 yr old boy :)

I told him to learn to take a compliment and let dear old mom think he was up to good stuff. Gramma was listening in and she just laughed at him. Told him the same thing. Take credit; build credit :)

Today's quote:
"The roots of education are bitter, but the fruit is sweet."
--Aristotle

Kiddo turned 16 last week! (Jan 25th)

It's looking like he may live to be an adult yet :)

I can't believe it's been 16 YEARS since the lovable twerp was born. I'm amazed at him even when I'm irritated beyond belief with this kid. He's smart. He's gentle. He's thoughtful (most of the time). He's teachable. He's been shaving for 2 years now and is up to twice a week. *lol* He's got the normal teen attitude that really drives me crazy some days and other days it's okay.

Oh and he's not driving until he's 18 for various reasons, but mostly because I'm not a fan of minors behind the wheel.

(okay this will make two posts in one day. MIRACLES never cease!)

Last day of work...

I change stores next week and go fulltime. I will still be in the Photo Lab and working for Wal*Mart, but in a new city and a brand spanking new store. It doesn't open until the middle of May so I will be setting up and helping train. Exciting and scary are the only two adjectives I can think about this new adventure. I also got a 50¢/hour pay raise today. YIPPEE!!!

Today I received an newsletter called "The Single Connection" from ChristianToday.com I usually get this newsletter from an email list I'm on for Christian singles (not affliated with the afforementioned website). I don't do more than give the newsletter a quick glance most times. Once a while I see a blurb for an article I might actually find interesting. Today was one of those days. The article is So, Why Aren't You Married?

I really enjoyed this statement, "Yes, Connally, for today I am called to be single. I cannot say about tomorrow." WOW!!! I love that. I could say a lot more, but it's a can of worms I'm not sure I want to open. I can't resist making a couple of comments.

I love being single, but am not opposed to getting married one day. I don't anticipate it ever happening. My biggest pet peeve is the well-meaning questions. I wish people would really stop and think about their comments. I hate having to defend my singleness all the time. I hate having to explain why I'm not anti-marriage, anti-men or anti-anything on that score. Now that my son is older people aren't telling me to "give the boy a male role model." I'm being told how "time is running out to have another" or "you'll need someone to care for you in your old age." OH PLEASE!!!

Okay, I had best shut up before I say (type) something I will regret. I just wish people would think before they comment. Some topics really aren't appropriate to discuss unless you are invited to speak on the subject.