Random thoughts about single parenting, parenting, homeschooling, dealing with chronic illness, going back to college, working while trying to survive...just every day stuff.
Just stuff that plagues me during the course of my day. Probably nothing of lasting interest to anyone but me.
It was a good day, but everything felt strange. I keep expecting to need to do something for or with Smokie, but she's not here and no longer needs me. Little things remind me of her, like the thunder tonight (which she hated), her collar, or the tree she loved to lie beneath. I keep expecting to need to say "Look out" before I open the fridge as she always laid in front of it. She's not there.
I've lost other pets (all much younger), but this one seems to be hitting me harder than the rest. Maybe it's my age or the fact that I am not as able to occupy my thoughts as before when my son was little and life was super busy? I don't know. Maybe I am just having a hard time reconciling my feelings with the fact that she was a dog not a human. My grief is stronger than I imagined it could be.
My Secret Sister sent me a condolence e-card tonight that had this verse on it.
2 Corinthians 1:3-4 (New International Version)
The God of All Comfort
3Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, 4who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.
I posted this yesterday on a home schooling forum for Christian moms.
God is good!
After spending the last 2½ weeks dealing with seriously and rapidly declining dog, I was feeling pretty forgotten today when she had to be euthanized. I had prayed intensely and almost without ceasing for this dog to not leave me. I don’t ask God for things for myself very often. Don't get me wrong, I pray for myself, but I don't get specific very often, preferring instead to be open to His gifts and leading. I have never been disappointed and frequently stand amazed at the blessings I receive. However, this time I did ask and was quite specific. I prayed hard, I cried, I considered bargaining with God, and I even got angry at times. I don’t know why He said "No." I am sure He has some greater lesson in mind for me. I have to wait upon Him to reveal it.
I don't know about you ladies, but when I am extremely sad, I need chocolate. I wanted a frozen fudge bar, but thought they were all gone. The cost of today's vet trip was unplanned and expensive. Our pocketbook screamed, "OUCH!" I figured I could be a big girl and just ignore my desire for comfort food. I went about my day trying to put the house back in order after the unraveling of the last few days. I put away her stuff and comforted my son. I cried and shared some laughs with those who knew my beloved pet. I cleaned a carpet and even tore apart my Bissell to clean it afterwards. I mentally charted a timetable for some other chores and prepared things for that. Basically, trying to stay busy and not think too much.
A short while ago, I decided to take a quick nap. Sleep has been rare the last 4 days while nursing Smokie. I haven't eaten much either and knew that I had better remedy that first. I went to the freezer to see what I had that could be fixed quickly. What do I find stuck behind the pancake mix? One lone fudge bar that had fallen out of the box. All I could say was "God has not forgotten me." He hasn't. He won't. EVER! It may seem like a simple thing, but simple things DO MATTER to us and to God.
God is good!
*Now off to eat something nutritious before my nap :)
Today I said goodbye to a beloved pet and friend. Smokie had been with me 10 years in April of this year. She was 13½ and a joy to be around. This beautiful dog rarely ever lost her temper or was grouchy. She loved to run and play and cuddle. Many times she thought she was a big old lap dog.
The pictures are all from Oct. of '07. For some stupid reason, I don't have many recent pictures. The little dog is Amy and she's missing her buddy.
Wait......I found a couple from this year. This first one is from Feb. and this was their usual position in the computer room. I am at my desk taking this, and my son's desk is to the left. The kitchen is to the right.
Here is the last picture that I took of Smokie. During the spring, she always found the highest point in the yard and laid there. I always said she was playing Queen of the Hill. She looked so majestic the way she crossed her feet and held herself. The garden fence that you see behind her is 4 feet tall.
This is my favorite picture of Smokie and is not by desktop background. I posted this a while back here on the blog. It shows off her happy personality. She was about ready to jump and start talking to me. She is under what we call "Smokie's tree" which she loved to lie around regardless of the weather.